Kiss Kiss
by jmandina
Summary: Sometimes sorry just isn't enough.
1. Chapter 1

Raven's voice rang in his ears, she was yelling.

At him. Again.

This time he deserved it, he deserved every sharp syllable that left his girlfriend's mouth. He deserved all of the heartache her powers were forcing on him unconsciously. His heart broke as tears began to fall from her face uncontrollably, this was almost too much for him. He was having a hard time keeping calm and his whole body shook from emotions. Beast Boy sat down on the bed and put his head between his legs, the animal senses inside of him were screaming at him to get in a safe position to avoid the threat that was Raven.

"Why did you have to do this to me Garfield! Aren't I enough?"

"Of course you are." he replied through his knees, "It was a mistake, a lapse in judgement. You have to believe me."

He had done the unthinkable. He had kissed another girl. Not just any other girl, he had kissed Terra.

About a month ago she had returned to the Titans claiming that she had regained some of her memory, and that she wanted to know the real her. At first Robin was weary of her, unsure how to process her so called miracle. To prove herself, she had to under go various tests, which included a highly advanced lie detector evaluation that was invented by no other than Cyborg.

Surprisingly she had passed with flying covers, it seemed that all she had said was true. She did just want to learn about herself. Reluctantly the Titans agreed to help Terra work through her rehabilitation at the tower. Although not officially a member, she was allowed to stay in her old room and participate in all of their activities.

Beast Boy jumped at the opportunity to have his old friend back, however his girlfriend disagreed. That was when the arguments started. At first they were simple, they argued about weather or not he still had feelings for Terra, which of course he denied. Then the arguments grew more complex than a yes or no answer. Raven began to question how involved he should be with her therapy, and if he should spend alone time with her when she requests. This enraged the changeling, he didn't understand why it was such a big deal, she was his friend and he would do anything for his friends.

It felt like every night they were yelling at each other. All they did was scream until their voices were horse, and cry until there were no tears left. It soon became too much for the empath and she complained about the headaches he caused her. She was having a hard time controlling her powers because of the emotional turmoil the situation was causing her. As a result she decided to go away to calm herself down.

Not for long, mind you, only a week trip with Robin to Gotham. At first Beast Boy didn't want her to go. He literally clung to her leg while she tried to leave and had to be forcibly removed by Cyborg. However once she was gone a new emotion took over him, in a way he was relieved. Relieved that there would be no more fights, relieved that what ever problems he was having had left with her. He was ashamed of this feeling, he didn't want to be relieved that she was gone, he wanted to be sad, depressed even. But he wasn't. That is what made it all worse.

He spent all of his free time with Terra. Even against Raven's wishes he found himself somewhat drawn to the blonde girl without even knowing it. He enjoyed her company at first, she was like a breath of fresh air, someone completely opposite of Raven. He liked having someone who could show emotions without the dishes exploding, he even liked that someone took the time to laugh at his jokes. All the while, deep down he felt ashamed.

Five days in is when it happened. They were in the kitchen after dinner talking about mindless video games when she kissed him. It was a complete surprise, and he was stiff at first, but once the suspense washed away he found himself kissing her back. It was slow at first, but as time passed the kiss grew in intensity and he found her tongue down his throat. Something then felt wrong, like the kiss was off and he was forced realized what was happening. Finally something in his mind clicked.

He pushed Terra off of him and told her how wrong the kiss was. He told her that he was with Raven not her. Terra attempted to tell him that she knew he wasn't happy with her, that she could see it in his eyes. She told him that she could make him happy if he would only let her, that the past five days had been the best she had had in a long time. She wanted to be with him, and couldn't hold back her feelings any longer.

Lies, she tried to feed him lies. Beast Boy wouldn't listen to her, he told Terra that he was happy with Raven, he was the happiest he had been in forever. That although they may argue and bicker that he loved her more than anything and anyone. That included her. He told her the truth. And the truth shattered all hopes of them ever being together.

So Terra thought it best to transfer, she insisted to leave for Titans East the next morning. Robin had no choice but to allow her requests and gave the a-ok through Skype. Just like that Beast Boy was alone. No one knew what had happened between the two now distant friends, and that was for the best. He needed to be the one to tell Raven what had happened, he needed to explain and bag for her forgiveness. He couldn't loose her. Not like this.

"I don't have to believe anything that you say, you are the cheater not me!" Raven hissed, he filched slightly at her words but kept his head buried in his knees. Every nerve ending in his body was on fire, he felt so guilty for what he did that he just wanted to vanish, he wanted to disappear and come back when this was all over. When Raven was happy, when they were happy.

"It was only a kiss I swear Rae."

There was a crash as the vanity in her room cracked. Beast Boy looked up and watched as her teeth began to grind with frustration. "Don't call me Rae. You don't get to do that anymore!"

He stood up and proceeded to take a few steps towards her, tears were running down her face as she paced the room. "Please Raven. I'm so-"

"Stop saying your sorry! Sorry doesn't fix this Garfield! Sorry doesn't make things go back to what they were!" She had stopped pacing and was pointing her finger at him like it was a dagger.

"I know." he whispered, "I know that it doesn't change anything, but I honestly don't know what else to say."

"Did you like it?"

"What?"

"Did you like the kiss? Did you enjoy the way she felt? The way she tasted." His eyes widened at her questions, his mouth became dry and he was unable to speak. Some time passed as the unthinkable question lingered in the air. "Well?" she hissed as she crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently.

"No." He lied. He did like it, only because it was different. It wasn't the person it was the act itself that he liked, in some sick way he knew that he had enjoyed it. That only caused him to hate himself even more.

"Liar." she hissed, there was a crash as a vase shattered behind him.

He shook his head, "That doesn't matter, none of that does. What matters is that I want to be with you, that I love you Raven. Just tell me what I need to do, tell me what I need to say to make this better. I don't want to loose you." His heart was racing uncontrollably, his hands shook as he made an attempt to grab her arm.

She pulled away instantly, "Don't touch me." she hissed. The act made his heart drop to his knees. This can't be happening, he can't loose her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, the past year had been the happiest time of his life.

Raven walked to the closet and began rummage through the contents, he threw his hands in the air and asked, "What are you doing now?"

As to answer his questions she pulled out a large suitcase and brought it to the bed. She opened it and went back to her closet and began to pull clothes from it forcefully. "No. No no no no no. You aren't leaving Rae." he tried to stand in front of her in order to block her way from the closet.

Raven scoffed as she moved around him and pulled out shoes to add to her pile. "Yes I am." she muttered as she continued to pack.

"You can't just leave, please. Come one we can work this out." He started to unpack her suitcase in attempted to slow down her process. She stopped mid stride and stared at him, her eyes piercing in to the back of his head and he felt the sudden need to stop and face her. He needed to face his girlfriend.

He turned and noticed that she had stopped, tears were still falling from her eyes as she spoke just above a whisper, "You need to get out Garfield."

"No I'm not just going to stand by and let you leave Raven. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I-I can't loose you! Not like this! Please I love you." He dropped to his knees and began to beg. He knew that this was disgraceful, but it didn't matter. He would do anything just to keep her from leaving, he would do anything to keep her in his life.

"It doesn't work like that Garfield." she said in a hushed voice, "You can't do what you did and expect to call the shots. I need time to think things through, to clear my head."

"Then do it here, I will leave you alone and-"

"No." his ears dropped "I need time away from you. You can't influence my decision in any way, and I know you would do just that if I stayed."

"What decision?" He simple quesiton lingered in the room like venom. His heat raced at her silence as more tears fell from his loved ones eyes.

She took in a large breath before saying "The decision of weather or not to stay with you."

It was at that moment that be broke down, tears began to fall from his face and stain her floor. "No. Please" he whispered. His while body shook from his sobs and he couldn't help but whine like the pathetic man he was.

She shook her head and went to her suitcase, after shoving what he had tossed out back in she zipped it and let out a large sigh. Beast Boy hadn't moved form his position, he was still not able to control the tears that were falling from his face. "I'll come back when I can." she muttered as she made he way to the door with he luggage.

He reacted instantly and jumped up to pull her into a hug. She fought it at first, but allowed his arms to embrace her in full. His body trembled uncontrollably ans he cried into her shoulder, he felt so weak, like his world was crashing around him.

She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, for a moment it felt like all was well, like everything was going to be alright. For a moment all sense of self returned to him and he allowed himself to feel actual hope.

But and then she whispered, "Don't follow me."

And just like that she was gone. Just like that she left him to sulk in his self inflicted pain and suffering.

He could only wish she would come back to him.


	2. Chapter 2

Beast Boy sat at the kitchen table and ate his tofu waffle in silence. The other Titans made light conversation amongst each other while he blocked it all out, for whatever reason he couldn't stop staring at the empty chair across from him. His heart began to ache causing a sinking feeling in his stomach, and just like that he lost his appetite.

"So what are you're plans for today Garfield?"

Beast Boy jumped at the mention of his name, he looked up and noticed Robin staring at him apparently waiting for his answer. This made him shake his head and mutter "I don't know yet."

In all honesty he really didn't know. He hadn't done much in the weeks since Raven had left, and he didn't plan on doing anything important until she returned. Whenever that was.

"Look man, I know you are worried about Raven but you need to lighten up. She will come home, she just had an emergency to attend to." Cyborg's voice was upbeat and cheerily as he spoke. If he knew the real reason why Raven had left he would behave different, being beast friends with you girlfriends big brother figure had it's ups and downs. The major down was if he knew how much pain he had caused Raven, he would have killed him by now. Deep down he slightly wished he had already.

"Yes fiend, she shall return soon I am most sure of it." Star said offering him a large happy grin.

He made an attempt to replicate her grin, but couldn't find the energy to muster such a thing. Instead he just let out a large sigh, "I hope." he muttered under his breath as he stood up to take his dish to the sink.

"Well, Star and I have plans for tonight, so it'll just be you and Cyborg tonight okay?" Robin said as he grabbed his girlfriends hand and kissed it lightly, this action caused Beast Boy to shiver slightly. He could remember when he would do that to Raven, only instead of a giggle he would get a swift smack to the back of the head.

To say he missed Raven would be and understatement. He longed for her presence more than anything. The first couple of days had been the hardest, he almost wanted to confide in his friends but decided against it. He really didn't want them to know what kind of a terrible person he was for what he did, he was already ashamed enough. Every day alone was like an eternity, her sent on her sheets were long gone and he was having a hard time fathoming his life without her.

"How about we do a video game marathon B? I just got the Mega Monkeys 9 and I am just dying to try it out." Cyborg whined behind the kitchen table "Please?"

Beast Boy rolled his eyes and nodded his head. It looked as if Cyborg was going to go through the roof in that moment. The look of excitement caused him to fee uneasy, things tended to get said when the two did a video game marathon, and lately Beast Boy had a lot of secrets locked up inside of him.

After sundown Beast Boy found himself sitting on the couch with his metal friend facing the first round of match ups. He was fairing well considering the circumstances, and was even up on Cyborg after the fourth round. Who knew mindless video games is just what he needed to take his mind off his problems.

"So..." Cyborg muttered as he slammed his fingers against the controllers in frustration.

"So?" he repeated not knowing what to expect.

"Can I talk to?"

"You are." Beast boy replied sarcastically. A large grin crossed his face, he felt very content with his statement.

"Ha ha. Funny." he muttered as he paused the video game. Beast Boy let out a large groan as he faced his friend, "Can I talk to you about something personal?"

Beast Boy mulled over the question in his head, he knew saying no wasn't really an option without upsetting his best friend but he really didn't know where this was going. "Uh sure?"

Cyborg let out a large sigh before asking "What is the real reason why Raven left?"

Beast Boy's heart sank, out of all the questions in the world why did he have to ask that one. "Like she said, she had a personal emergency."

"Come on dude. When I saw her off she looked like she had been crying for hours, she looked terrible. Did you guys have a fight? Is that why she left?"

Beast Boy sighed as he stood up and made his way to the kitchen, Cyborg followed his body in response still waiting for a answer. After pulling out a water bottle form the fridge he said "Yeah, something like that."

"What happened B? Was it really that bad that you two couldn't work it out?"

Beast Boy rubbed the back of his neck nervously, he debated telling his friend the truth. He wasn't scared of Cyborg, he was more scared of what the truth meant for him. He didn't want to be known for being the cheater, he didn't want people to know. "It's complicated Cy."

"Then explain." he shot back instantly. Beast Boy only shook his head, this made Cyborg stand up in frustration, "Come on Beast Boy, don't do this to me. Don't shut me out, just tell what happened." After a long pause the changeling only shook his head again as his resonce, "Was it something that she did?"

"No, she didn't do anything." he muttered as he took another drink from his bottle.

"Then it's something you did. Come on it can't be that bad." Beast Boy only looked away from his friend unable to meet his gaze, Cyborg let out a light chuckled as he said "It's not like you cheated or anything so-"

Beast Boy flinched at his statement and Cyborg caught on. There was an awkward silence as the metal mans eyes narrowed, still the changeling averted his gaze. "Please tell me you didn't. Please for the love of god tell me that you did not cheat on that girl."

Beast Boy remained silent as he fidgeted with his fingers, all the while Cyborg made his way to where he was. "What the hell Beast Boy!"

"Look Cy calm down, I know what I did was wrong. I know-"

Cyborg grabbed his shirt and lifted his fit frame off the ground causing him to stop mid sentence. His voice was low as he spoke, "Tell me it wasn't with Terra." Beast Boy only stared back into his eyes, lost for words.

Cyborg shook him slightly "What the hell have you done!"

"We only kissed I swear. It was a mistake, a terrible terrible mistake." Beast Boy could hear his heart pounding in his ears as adrenaline pumped through his veins.

Cyborg let him go and began to pace, "Why would you do that? If you didn't want to be with her then why didn't you just-"

"I want to be with her. More than anything I want to be with her. She is my world Cyborg you know that!"

"Really? Because the last time I checked cheating isn't a good way of showing you care!" Cyborg spat back.

Beast Boy's heart sank, he began to shake his head as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I know." he whispered.

There was a long silence as no one spoke, Cyborg's eyes never left him. It was as if he was peering in to his soul, judging him all the while. Beast Boy couldn't stand it any longer, he proceeded to move from the kitchen and sit down at the table. He placed his head on the cold surface and let out a large sigh. "Okay." he muttered, "go ahead and yell some more. I deserve it."

He heard foot steps approach him, be braced himself for impact only to be let down as Cyborg sat in the chair across from him. "Yeah you do deserve that, that and a lot more."

Beast Boy chuckled in to the table and muttered "Don't I know it."

Again there was nothing but silence, Beast Boy's heart rate began to slow and he was able to look at his metal friend across from him. Cyborg hand his elbows on the table and his face buried in his hands, for some reason this made the changeling a little uneasy.

"Have you heard form her?" Cyborg asked as he lifted his head, his voice was low as if he wasn't just yelling his head off.

Beast Boy shook his head in response, "I don't even know where she went."

Cyborg let out a hollow chuckle, "Yeah that girl is hard to find when she want's to disappear."

"I'm assuming she is with Jinx. They have been close friends since she joined the Titans, something about magical connections? I don't know I wasn't really paying attention."

"Do you ever?" Cyborg responded in a half hearted attempt at a joke.

Beast Boy let out a laugh "I do, it's just at the time Raven had decided not to wear a bra and I couldn't stop-"

"Ew. Just ew." Cyborg replied as he put up his hands to signal to his friend that he had heard enough.

This made Beast Boy laugh even harder, he knew how embarrassed Cyborg got when he mentioned anything sexual with his girlfriend. To him it talking about his sister in that manner wasn't appropriate talk. He let a lot of things slide with him, but he was apparently in no mood for that.

There was a moment of stillness as Beast Boy's laughs died down, he could feel the mood change in the room and he began to feel more comfortable. "Do you think she will come back to me?" he had been too scared to ask the question at first, in fear of his answer, but somewhere along the lines of his silence he finally found the courage.

Cyborg let out a large sigh as he just looked at him, all sense of enjoyment had left his face "Honestly?" be rubbed his face before he continued "I don't know. Part of me wants to say no, that there is no way that she could forgive you for something like this, but-" he leaned in a little closer to him "but I have seen the way that girls looks at you. She loves you B, she reacts to every movement you make like she is ready to do you bidding at will. I never thought I would see her so head over heels over someone." he shook his head as if in disappointment.

"I'm such an idiot." Beast Boy muttered to himself.

"Yup, you sure are."

The rest of the night was uneventful. Cyborg and Beast Boy returned to their video game marathon, which his metal friend won. After a few hours Robin and Star had made their way home from their date, Star insisted that she go over every agonizing detail with the rest of the team. Once that was done the rest of the Titans thought it best to call it a night, even though Beast Boy knew he wouldn't be able to sleep he agreed to their wishes.

He lay awake in his bed as he stared at his top bunk. Even after a year of badgering from Robin, Beast Boy had still refused to give up his bunk bed. In some way he felt that it connected him to his childhood, and in many ways it did. Besides, he spend most of his nights in Raven's bed rather in his own.

Raven.

Beast Boy groaned as he rolled over to face the wall, be could feel tears beginning to form as he curled into a tight ball. Nights were the worst for him. He was so used to being with her, holding her until he fell asleep, that it almost psychically hurt to be alone. Her last words rang in his head, "Don't follow me."

In a way he wished he had forced her to stay. He should have been the one to leave not her, he knew how little he cared about staying away from home. A small smile graced his face at that thought. He knew so much about her, what her favorite color was, her favorite song. The way she liked her clothes folded after they get out of the wash, or the way she rubbed her nose when she is fighting sleep. He knew everything about Raven, but even with all of that knowledge he still didn't know if she would come back to him.

Suddenly he felt the bed move as the weight shifted underneath him. He instantly shot up and looked at his guest, even in the darkness of his room he could make out her slim figure. It was her.

"Raven." he managed to exhale as he leaned forward to embrace her. Her hand instantly shot up and kept him back, he fought back the whine that formed in his chest as she rejected his greeting.

"Don't." she whispered.

He fought back tears as he shook his head, this couldn't be happening she had come here to leave him. "Rae please I-" he was cut off by a small fragile hand that instantly covered his mouth.

"Don't say anything. Not tonight." she removed her hand and turned slightly to face him. His stomach turned at the sight of her, he could see the dark circles that were under her eyes, her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, it was obvious that it hadn't been washed in days. She looked terrible. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, he body looked malnourished showing her sunken cheeks and noticeably small waist.

Her lungs drew in a deep breath before she spoke, "I had a lot to think about while I was away." her voice didn't make it above a whisper "I thought about you. About me. About us." quiet tears began to run down her face but she refused to touch them, "I wanted to hate you so much Garfield. I really did. I wanted to hate you for what you did to me. I was so happy with you, so happy and you had to go and just-" she paused as her voice shook, she wouldn't even look at him. In a way that was best, he knew that he wouldn't have been able to handle her sad eyes. "But no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't."

She sniffled as she whipped her face. His heart began to beat faster at her sadness, he was afraid of what was coming next. He fought back the urge to pull her into his arms knowing how she would react. "I need to know something. I need you to be 100% honest with me, no lying do you understand? Just a simple yes or no answer."

He only nodded. "Do you love me?" he voice cracked with emotion and a small kick-knak broke behind her.

"Yes." he said without hesitation.

She let out a broken sigh as she fidgeted with her fingers "Good, because I love you too."

His heat soared in that moment, he moved his body and attempted to pull her into a well deserved kiss. To his dismay she pushed him away with shaky hands, he understood and let her go reluctantly. "No. You can't just kiss this away. What you did was still wrong, and it's going to be along time before I can trust you again You have a lot of ground to make up and you have lost a lot of privileges that you once had but-" she moved closer and ran her hand through his hair just like she used to. The sensation sent a shiver up his spine and earned her a low purr. "you haven't lost me just yet."

Tears began to flow down his face as she pushed him back to his bed and curled up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her body tight, as if he was afraid she was going to fly away if he didn't. Deep down he knew that the next few weeks were going to be agonizing, he knew that he was going to suffer a great deal just to earn back an ounce of trust he once had.

But it would all be worth it. She was all worth it. As the girl in his arms let out a small sigh of satisfaction he moved and kissed her head firmly, he squeezed his eyes and let the tears stain his pillow.

He had her.

And he was never going to let her go.


End file.
